? megan

:o

2006-04-25T17:44:15Z

Welcome to the NEW RULE. HAR.

2003-09-03T23:14:14Z

haha.

2003-09-02T23:27:52Z

Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste. I've been around for a long, long year. Stole many a man's soul and faith. I was 'round when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain. Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed his fate. Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. But what's puzzling you - is the nature of my game. I stuck around St. Petersburg, when I saw it was time for a change. Killed the Tsar and his ministers, Anastasia screamed in vain. I rode a tank, held a generals rank. When the blitzkrieg raged - and the bodies stank. Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name - oh yeah. Ah, whats puzzling you is the nature of my game - oh yeah. I watched with glee while your kings and queens fought for ten decades for the Gods they made. I shoulted out, "who killed the kennedys?" when after all, it was you and me. Let me please introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste, and I laid traps for troubadours who get killed before they reach Bombay.

I want to make love to this song. For billions of years. Mmmmmmm. EHC owns all souls.

New pics. Slowly but surely being approved onto FaceTheJury.com under user-name x_negativity

Go take a motherfucking peek in twenty-four hours.

o____O

2003-09-01T23:39:45Z

I went shopping today, bought some nifty clothes, including a skirt and shirt I desperately wanted. WooHoo. o_O;

Lets see. Blocking Jims phone number. Jays too. Im pre-cramping. I want stuff off the internet. (This includes Jeff.). Yeah, I think that covers everything.

EE. I get to see AMI TOMORROW. CUZ OF SCHOOL. YAY FOR POSER PUNK AVRIL-WANNABES, TRENDY OUTCASTS, NERDS, BITCHY TEACHERS AND THEIR NEED TO COME TOGETHER IN SOME OVERHEATED BUILDING!

I sneezed.

Changed.

2003-09-01T16:11:05Z

I changed it a bit. Now you can see FIVE entries. WOOHOO FOR YOU.

Motherfucking hell. School tomorrow.

I want to play Sacrifice. But my mom and my sister are on the gam-ie computers. Damnit. I really wanna play. ;.;

I feel like puking. :\

Ha.

2003-08-31T19:05:02Z

I think I'm getting sick. Lara's bitch ass little brother didn't wanna go on anything, so we went on the waterrides with him, and it was already kinda chilly, so then we went on roller coasters at six flags, and froze our asses off. JOYOUS.

I really feel shitty. I have to go to school shopping today at around three. And then tomorrow I get to go to the movies with Dave, and we are still oblivious to what we're seeing. And I have to get him a motherfucking birthday present and I dont know what to get him so .. Whatever. I think I might just wait until he says he wants something and I'll be like "BELATED!" and then be done with it. Yeah, that sounds good.

Why the fuck do I write in this?

I had a really freaky ass dream last night. Jeff told me he was 'interested' in some blonde chick who had come over to his house to babysit the kids, and he also made a very strong statement that 'she was wearing awesome clothing'. c_C; What the hell? Anyways, I woke up crying at Laras house, and hugged her dog and then sat in the bathroom and washed off the makeup that'd trailed to my motherfucking chin.

I think he's cheating on me again. I'm too fucking insecure.

He's all I care about anymore. Well. Actually, thats not true. Just at the moment? No. Not that either. I miss Ami. ;.;

Runaway.

2003-08-28T20:00:47Z

Got a little extra sleep today. Woke up at 2:30 in the afternoon. I don't remember exactly when I fell asleep. I think I got 11-12 hours. Which is a gaggle for me. My body feels really good.

What a waste. That stuff really makes me tired though.

I was on the phone with Jeff last night. And. Egh, he swears that he'll always love me and that he loves me now, and that nothing could change that. But I hate it when people make false promises. Even if they're intending good, you can't honestly know what's going to happen in the future. What's going to come. How your priorities will change. No, you can't.

Rice is good.

Today.

2003-08-28T01:46:36Z

Zoloft again. I'm tired 'cuz of it.. Don't feel like explaining, only Dave knows why. I'd rather it stayed that way.

Dave = never judges, questions, or bugs me.

Not even sure why I updated this hunk of crap. Just felt like I needed to say something. To.. someone? Egh.

Kill me.

Fallen?

2003-08-26T18:42:02Z

Yeaah. I've spiraled into a self-destructive mode as of late. Does he love me? Does he not? All that lovely wonderful MOTHERFUCKING bullshit again. I hate emotion. I'm sick of emotion. I'm jaded, and I know it - and I shouldn't be, according to Kev. But I am.

I wish I could just turn it all off sometimes, and just.. watch. Watch and wait, until it all passed over, until it was all okay again. Until everything was better. Until I could have him.

Why can't I?

It's anything but right. It's wrong. It's all goddamned wrong. And then I talk to he-who-will-not-be-named, and it doesn't help when you get told "people grow apart, sometimes for no good reason" and then they send you a smiley face! Oh yes, this is all so wonderful. All so fine.

I desire a cigarette, but I don't smoke. So I tell myself that, and now I need alchohol. I need something, someone, to calm me down. And noone knows how. Because I can't tell them. Because you're all mindless FUCKS and your puppeteer is LOST and so we're all LOST and GOD DAMNIT. WHY DO I HAVE TO FUCKING THINK FOR YOU? If I don't, then you screw it up. You're all screw ups, so in turn, we're all screw ups.

So because I have nothing, and noone, who gives a fuck or understands, I'm going to sit here and pulsate like a gigantic fucking blister, work on my website, and hope that my own inner vacuity doesn't consume me. YAY.

sdkjfkg.

2003-08-26T01:55:52Z

Nemopets. Yeaaaah. Lara is so creative. XD

I slept over at Laras house. Again. Wheeeee.................................................................................Thats a lot of dots. I dont know what to say, but I really feel like updating. So what the hell. I just scratched my upper lip because it needed to be done.

I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad right now. I'm not sure if I'm loving and content or just plain old pissed off. Is that a bad thing? I dont know. I dont know anything at the moment, and .. well, thats just to my liking. I hate being blind, and yet I hate seeing everything before it happens. So I'll sit here dumbfounded with a mild clue. How nice.

I should make a hit list. People need to die. I know quite a few personally.

Justin.
Niky.
Jay.
You.

Goodnight <3

Done.

2003-08-23T02:21:12Z

I'm fucking done with you, okay? Stop fucking talking to me, remove me, whatever the fuck you want. I'm sick of lies, and bullshit, because I'm sick of pain. So cliche, but wtf?

Get the fuck away from me, my life, my friends. Take whatever, whoever wants you. Just go away. I don't want you, I don't need you. I need this to be over with. Why?

Because I don't like lies. I'm sick of all this "im so depressed" bullshit given to me by everyone. I can't handle your motherfucking problems, I've got my own.

What do I look like? Your bitch?

I don't NEED your understanding. I don't NEED your help. IM FINE. IM MOTHERFUCKING FINE. EVERYTHINGS O-BLOODY-KAY.

I hope you fucking choke.

HAHAfl;kmdsjflsdf~ :D

2003-08-22T03:43:08Z

LALALALA. I'm. erm. spazzing? Which is funny. Because. I don't feel that happy INSIDE. LARA KNOWS WHY CUZ SHE LOVES ME AND I TELL HER STUFF.

Erik is a lap dancer. Lara is my whore. I am the pimp. Sara is my slut.

Play my fucking game.

Quiz.

2003-08-21T06:16:56Z

Red! Your eyes are red! You're a very distant
person, and you tend to hunger for power. In a
Manga, you'd be the sexy evil villan. Nothing
wrong with that, although you may want to think
about toning down the killing.

What Color Are Your Anime Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla

Blegh.

2003-08-21T05:49:36Z

Lara is sleeping over tonight. Woohoo!

But something isn't right. So I'm gonna bitch here. Ever since we met Erith, Niky has been treating me like general shit. Today, I kind of got into it with Jay, and she got all pissy with me, saying I shouldnt be "so rude". I don't really care about that, me and Niky disagree on the treatment of people all the time. She's an asskisser, and I'm not. She wants to kiss Jays ass so Erith will like her more because it's his friend. Egh, it's so retarded, and I'm so sick of this teenage drama bullshit that every one of my friends (except the wonderful nonasskissing lara who might punch me) is going through.

Eriths a liar anyways. I'm not even going to get into that.

Me and Lara.

2003-08-20T21:07:26Z

HArhar. Im sitting here with Lara. Because she is over. And we are writing a journal entry. Yeah.

Lara is singing. To Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve. This song is Jesus on Iceskates, and you must download it now.

Amy is ramming her head into a wall. She put on a bike helmet twelve sizes too small. And I let Kevs naked mexicans go.

Jay cant spell. He wants me to like him. But I'd rather take a shotgun to his ass and see how big I can make his rectum.

I WANT A HOTDOG.
Amy : "YAY!"

Meh.

2003-08-20T07:07:37Z

I need a new fucking layout. I don't care how much Dave likes this one. :P

Arrr matey. I'm in a pirate mood. Gimme a fucking patch, before I hook your brains through your motherfucking nostrils and eat them with a spoon and cold milk.

I'm gonna make a website. We've all heard this before, but I want to make something that expresses.. ME. People suck, and they need to know that. Because I'm bloody Socrates, and yeah. God, I feel like cussing a lot. I dunno, a lot happened today, but I'm not in the sort of mood to talk about what happened? HA.

I love Jeff.
I love Niky.
I love Ami.
I love Dave.
I love Kev.
I love Ryan.

Let's call this my mushy fuck'n tribute to friends. But in all honesty, you guys have always been there for me, even through the hard times. All of you are special to me, and I'd die for you, no matter what kind of excruciatingly paintful death layed out by the Swahilian Mafia that I know at least ONE of you will get into. You know, my list of "I loves" is getting bigger. I'm happy with that.

What the fuck. Two days ago, I hated myself. Now I'm sitting here, happy as fuck, listening to Coldplay, thinking I'm god.

Lara is coming over tomorrow. We're gonna go to the mall and meet Seth, his g/f Mandi, and some dude that I forget his name. Yeah. I don't even know if we're going. It depends on how lazy I'm feeling. Lara was coming over before I heard about these plans, so it really depends - do I feel like walking to the mall?

Kev said I'm a good catch. "If you were any better of a catch, you wouldn't be a catch. you'd be THE catch.".. Im gonna buy him ice cream when he comes to Illinois.

DemonxDreaming: AHH
DemonxDreaming: fruit by the foot
DemonxDreaming: chokage

All behold and hail the mighty intelligence of Jeff.

DemonxDreaming: I HAVE RUNES
DemonxDreaming: DIEDIEDIE.
XC a I a m i t y: hahaha.
DemonxDreaming: Your wizards gather their runes and begin casting. The spell consumes 4875 Runes and ... is successful! Tornadoes scour the lands of HONOUR THY PEPSI (14:1), laying waste to 29 acres of buildings!
DemonxDreaming: MUWAHAHA

Did I mention he's a sexy geek?

Things for you to ponder before I go: Seth like swing. And Country. So he gets a sticker. Dave called me pretty. Niky said she loves me. Ami's drifting from Matt, and I want to hug her because that bites dog ass. I'm banned from Ami. I'm picking my nose and yet still satisfied with my appearance. I made two new friends over FTJ. I have to pee. Kev is getting me pictures. I want to sex up all my friends. I have chocolate milk.

And. My hair looks sexy in this lighting. Fuck.

Whoo?

2003-08-19T01:11:57Z

I've sat here, cradling your luminosity, saving you from everything - everything and anything. I've fought away those out to hurt you, I've fought away what you can't stand, and I've tried my best to fight away any pain. I don't know what to do anymore, but wait. Wait for you to see and help yourself - because I'm so tired of fighting. The cost of your joy has been my own sanity, and I can feel myself breaking under the weight. But is it enough?

You still cry at night.

har.to-the-har.har.

2003-08-18T19:07:17Z

ANOTHERQUIZ. erm.

You are a dominatrix!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lalalala.a

2003-08-18T18:45:07Z

Erm. quizzes. Yeah, I haven't taken these in quite a while. More will be posted soon because I just.. suck like that. Leave me alone. ^^

You're A Villian!
You evil person, you. You have a dark side to you.
Your destiny is world destruction/domination.
Just so long as those pesky heros stay out of
your way.

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Goddess of Fire. You are hot-tempered and wild. You
love blazing fire.

What Goddess Are You? (Girls) (Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

blablabla. like a savviorrr i do caress.

2003-08-18T03:20:28Z

Haha. Today = fun. And now I'm with Niky, so it's not ending too shabby either. :D

Letsseee. I woke up at 9:26. Exactly. And I was supposed to go with my mom/dad to pick up Niky from the mall so she could go to the Ren. Faire with me and my family. Funfunfun.

So I hopped in the shower, got yelled at by my dad for jumping in the shower when we had to go pick up Niky, the end.

We had fun at the Renaissance Faire. But I was all excited about writing here five minutes ago, got sidetracked, so if you're important, I'll tell you personally. :D

He broke her.

2003-08-16T07:03:39Z

Antilovablegirl: i dont care....i jsut want to talk to him.....i'll be up for a while....
Antilovablegirl: i'll probably be crying too
Antilovablegirl: anyway
Antilovablegirl: night
Antilovablegirl: ::hugz:: megan..i love you
Digital Heresy: -hugs tightly- i love you too.
Digital Heresy: If you think you're gonna do.. something.
Digital Heresy: Call me.
Digital Heresy: I dont care what time it is.
Digital Heresy: Just call me.
Antilovablegirl: ok

Look at that. You fucking BROKE her. Damageddamageddamaged. I could slit your throat right now just to make myself feel better.

ha. today.

2003-08-16T00:35:11Z

I'm not really sure what to make of today. Erm. Yeah. I went to Chicago with my mom again to help her and my grandpa move the office. We got an AWESOME new place, and it's a pretty good location - mostly saying that because 7-11, Radio Shack, and some science-surplusy kin'a store is across the street. Hooha.

However, the weather was bad. Where my mom suggested moving on a day that was a nice seventy degrees, my grandpa decided against that, and said today (friday) would be the best day. Ninety-five according to the car. Egh, plus humidity. I felt like I was in Venezuela, and I don't even know what Venezuela's like. x_X;

On the way home, it was like.. 5:15 or so. Rush hour - that's what mattered. And on the highway home.. I don't even know what it is.. Eisenhower? Blegh. Does it matter? Anyways. We have to merge from eight lanes into three, and then two. Which is absolute fucking insanity. We're doodling along, really fucking slow, and my mom grumbles about the bitch in the car in front of us, and says "Honey, if you don't get out of my way, I'm gonna knock your piece of shit Honda off the road." It was grand, I tell you. Chevy-Owners <3

Any whoo, we get past that, and keep driving along. doodle doodle. Still merging. We see some dickhead, screaming really to himself but AT the lady in front of him-he was in a violet ford pickup and had only screamed at that lady because she was letting people IN. For those of you who don't know, Merging is really.. turn-based. But since he started to yell, she let EVERYONE in. It was kinda funny.. He looked like an overweight Tom Green. It was scary. Anyways, we were driving by, and I say real loud "LOOK GUYS, AN ASSHOLE!".. I LOVE driving in Rush Hour.. c_c;

No more traffic-problems after the whole merging thing. All through it, we were lined with the assholi-rific guy. And then I got stared at by some guy who looked like a lumberjack, and given shitty glances by some dude dressed like a reggae star.

Woah.

When we got home, the humidity had decided to rightfully fuck off, and as we pulled into the driveway, my mom goes "MY PLANTS ARE DYINGGG.".. So we went out there to water them (Me and sister, Amy). There was a BIG wasp in one of the pots. Harhar. Amy squealed like a girl, and I was like "I'll do this one!" gesturing to the other hangy-pot thing. c_C;; I'm just good like that.

We have twenty-seven Bartlett pears, and twenty-nine Summer Crisps. I think that's what they're called. We have two pear trees and a cherry tree in my backyard. With grass that hasn't been mowed in an age, and about a thousand grasshoppers, crickets, and anonymous 'ittle buggies that decided to live in there - because it's a goddamn jungle.

Now I'm writing this. Wasn't my day exciting?!?

I swear I'm not insane.

2003-08-15T00:18:31Z

Digital Heresy: We're all going to die.
hENkEx3: hallehlueah
hENkEx3: pardon my SHITTY spelling
hENkEx3: soon?
hENkEx3: i hope so
Digital Heresy: Soon.
Digital Heresy: I just got this horrible feeling of dread.
hENkEx3: as did i. and my life is goin wrong
Digital Heresy: I could feel it. Like I was receding from my body.
hENkEx3: so yeah
hENkEx3: everyones gonna die are we?
Digital Heresy: Font color, Dave.
hENkEx3: ah
hENkEx3: there
Digital Heresy: Yes.
Digital Heresy: Or at least I am.
hENkEx3: dam
Digital Heresy: I know I am.
hENkEx3: damn
hENkEx3: why
Digital Heresy: I can FEEL I am.
Digital Heresy: o_o;
Digital Heresy: I dont know.
hENkEx3: youre not gonna die
Digital Heresy: I just know it.
hENkEx3: ive felt like that
Digital Heresy: I saw it.
Digital Heresy: But I didn't.
Digital Heresy: Just now.
hENkEx3: whoa
Digital Heresy: Im crying because it scared the living shit out of me.
hENkEx3: saw what
Digital Heresy: I jumped out of my chair.
Digital Heresy: And almost screamed.
hENkEx3: what did you see
Digital Heresy: Nothing. But everything.
hENkEx3: well what happened
Digital Heresy: All I know is I'm gonna be with jeff when it happens.
hENkEx3: oh then i got time
hENkEx3: i mean
hENkEx3: shit
hENkEx3: no youre not gonna die
Digital Heresy: xD
hENkEx3: or maybe
hENkEx3: its your body
hENkEx3: telling you
hENkEx3: your subconcious
hENkEx3: telling you that jeff might not be a good idea
hENkEx3: just a thought
Digital Heresy: He's holding me when it happened.
Digital Heresy: I dont even KNOW what happened.
Digital Heresy: I just know it was the two of us.
hENkEx3: whoa
Digital Heresy: IT was like .. a dream without sleeping.
Digital Heresy: I felt myself die.
Digital Heresy: Not to sound all dark-poet depressed.
Digital Heresy: But I literally, felt myself die.
hENkEx3: god it looks like
hENkEx3: the end of the world
hENkEx3: now
Digital Heresy: I was reading that thing about the blackout.
Digital Heresy: On the east coast.
hENkEx3: yeah thats fucked
Digital Heresy: And I got all shifty, and cold.
Digital Heresy: And then that happened.
hENkEx3: whoa
Digital Heresy: And now I'm sitting here, sobbing and trembling, with noone to talk to but you. x_x;
hENkEx3: why thank you
hENkEx3: jeez...
hENkEx3: well we're all gonna die soon
hENkEx3: oh god
hENkEx3: i dont want to die
Digital Heresy: That's a scary fucking vision.
hENkEx3: agreed
hENkEx3: im shivering
Digital Heresy: Serious?
hENkEx3: yes
hENkEx3: constantly
Digital Heresy: I have a bad feeling. :\
Digital Heresy: Something isnt right.
Digital Heresy: -_-;
Digital Heresy: I sound weird and insane, so Im gonna stop.
hENkEx3: you do
hENkEx3: but i dont care
Digital Heresy: Thanks :P

All happened while I read about that power outage. What do you think?

I post alot now.

2003-08-14T08:31:32Z

I think.. I've realized a few things about myself. I've been thinking a lot over the past few hours. As interesting as it sounds, that freaky little "I blabla:" thing that was in Ami's journal and I decided to snag.. really made me think.

I am really.. Unhappy with who I am. Sometimes, I've put up the "YAYFORBEINGME" face.. but.. I don't know. I'm unhappy. I love the people I've interacted with, I love who they are. Any real "hatred" I've directed torwards them was really because.. I don't like how I've been shaped. My enviornment shaped me. Thus, I am left to blame everyone else because that's how I am.

I don't like how I complain so much. I don't like how I can make everyone I meet so angry with me so easily. I don't like how quick I am to judge people. I don't like crying because I have to cry. I don't like it.

I don't really like what I used to be either. Craving for originality, striving to be different, to be new, fresh, something. When really, all you are doing when you try to achieve those goals are falling deeper into the pit of normalcy. Duh.

I'm so unhappy right now.. I think I'm just gonna go. Jeff isn't gonna be able to come until a lot later. And so I just wanna.. go. He's good at making me like who I am. At least at the moment, which is all that matters at the moment. How repetative.

Yeah, I think I'm just gonna go. I'm done waiting. I'm tired of waiting. I'll ask my mom. But. Still no, and I'll just.. leave. I hate crying at 3:30 in the morning about things that'll never happen. XD

I wish Ami wasn't on away. She makes me happy too. :\

Has anyone else noticed my moodswings lately? I could've sworn five hours ago I was giggly.

Thing. by. Ami.

2003-08-14T06:05:56Z

I am not: angry.
I hurt: everyone.
I love: jeff.
I hate: mc'donalds breakfasts.
I fear: the closet monster.
I forget: what i ate for dinner three days ago.
I remember: my name.
I imagine: vividly.
I hope: i'll survive.
I crave: taco bell.
I regret: nothing.
I care: too much.
I always: complain.
I want: a new job.
I feel alone: too often.
I listen: but i dont care.
I hide: from growing up.
I pretend: i'm special.
I drive: myself insane.
I sing: in the shower?
I cry: over everything.
I destroy: my self-esteem.
I dance: when i feel like it.
I write: about -everything-
I wake: at two p.m.
I breathe: a mix of nitrogen and oxygen.
I play: pc games.
I venture: to find, understand, and care for myself.
I find: unknown substances under my bed.
I pray: he can hold me.
I miss: ignorance.
I kiss: my cat.
I succeed: whenever possible.
I search: for the next plane to PA.
I learn: that i suck at math.
I feel: annoyed with myself.
I know: people get angry with me a lot.
I joke: about everything.
I say: "download this song!"
I change: interests.
I fail: anything worth-while.
I dream: of holding him.
I believe: aliens exist.
I wonder: why i take things like this
I worry: for everyone.
I wish: i was someone else.
I fight: for my place in the world.
I need: a life.
I am: megan.

And I'm stuck with it. :\